I can soar on wings like an eagle...

Tuesday, 22 January 2008

friday, skip skool, reason=woke up late. was very enthu to go for culture lesson, but since i was alreadi late, decided to head dwn to town for some chill out plans. met aniza, we decided to watch Dvd'S at cine. just to kill time. i was partially sleeping halfway, was just to worn out. once done,headed to holland V starbucks to check stuff out online. was very frustrated with the singtel internet connection. called the customer service hotline and they said that they had repaired the default. but it was to no avail. ok nevamind then, me and aniza then met up wit farhi before heading down to mediacorp where we met farha and drago. We were basically there to watch some karaoke show. was funny but it bcame draggy and everyone seems to look lethargic.

sat and sundays were jus packed with canoe training. hopefull i will win for the marathon!

what has been happening lately seems to be like a cycle for me that i had experience for quite sometime. the thing is that i really dun feel good being the centre person or the being the one who cause conflicts is someone else relationship. really, that is never been my intention. i realise that when i get close to someone else girlfriend, in the ned the boyfriend seem to thing that i am the one trying to intrude into their relationship. deep down, it has never been that way, i am not implying this to just one particular situation but it seems to be repeating itself for so many times. I dun wan to be known as the guy who is a playboy, or some jerk going around trying to make other ppl's relationship fragile. im jus being myself, making friends, tats all. its really full of mix feelings. yes i do know that there is a line for me to get close wit a gurl who is attached, but i dun have any other further intentions in the relationship. the most we can go are becoming close friends. also, im nt leaving in this world to showcase or take advantage of what i have, im just being a humble kid who is trying to understand the true meaning of life. i may be the type of guy who has expectations, but i definitely know what i want to do in life.

I blog @ Tuesday, January 22, 2008

monday has always been so dreading. i cant skip anymore science lesson, so just gotta force myself to school. what happening in poly life has put an impact on my life. as a follow up of what happen yesterday, i just feel that i dun wan to make others feel the wrong way. its kinda hard to explain. had a hard to hard talk wit babe gurl dada yesterdae nite. jus felt that i couldnt keep it to myself anymore. i told her that i felt lost and miserable in this situation. like what will you do if u have a friend of the opposite sex who u are close with but that the person likes u. but ur objective is just to be close friends. maybe it shld just leave it they way it is,just being myself. jus hope that both of them will be in good terms soon and thin will go smoothly for ur relationship.

i told dada that i am not ready for any relationship. i got a prob wit it coz i feel that my feelings for someone can fade away very fast, and thus i will just get bored of the person. not implying to anyone in particular. also, i just feel that it is not the right time for me to be in a relationship coz i am not stable myself. i jus want to enjoy my youthlife and fulfill as much things that i can. i have learnt one thing from the conversation which is just to be strong and ignore what other say. its jus like dun take inwhat they say, otherwise i would be on the loosing end. im happy with myself and what i am doing and i definitely know that the basis of life just lies around in believing in myself.

I blog @ Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Thursday, 17 January 2008

Pon school yesterday, early morning, headed to town to watch movie with aniza. we were watching body 19 and the worst thing was, we were the only two peeps in the theatre. it totally gave me the goosebumps. seriously, i would like to take this opportunity to thanx aniza for bringing food for me everyday to school. really, i truly appreciate it. ok after movie, we wne tto had our lunch at ljs cine, so i ask her what does it feels to be in a relationship. so i told her that i never had been in a real relationship b4 , maybe its just due to me inmaturity, high exopectations and also being fickle minded. I just feel that i am in my sentimental stage. what makes me wonder a lot is that many people has been asking me why i am not attached. that's the reason that was always kept me thinking. But at the end of it, i will stick to my policy and not go with the flow, it is best to enjoy my youthlife first. i rather be someone with a stable income and a well balanced life before getting that special somone. At least by then, i would be confident that i can stand up on my own.

my next goal for now is to win a medal for this upcoming canoe marathon. i wan to win so badly. hopefully it would happen. pray for me.

I blog @ Thursday, January 17, 2008

Monday, 14 January 2008

weekends- has always and should have been those great days of the week. but for me, it has been much of a routine pack wit activities. firday evening, was supposed to go for clinic session, had to postponed it coz need to carry boats to kallang. at first, it was pretty much dreading, but jus otta bare wit it. ok, ended eating at arab street after that and food was great at the zam zam restaurant. saturdays was canoe training, had to woke up damn early coz need to reach kallang by 7.30. it was a challenge to get myself out of bed. training ended, went straight for werk. was really looking foward coz it has been quite sometime since i've werked wit shi yun. great time spent werk, laughter, bastarding, chattin and yea gossiping. tats wat i paid for 6 bucks per hr dwn there.
sunday was my first day off. i slept almost for the whole day. basically when i'm alone and got nothing to do, i start to feel more of my inner self.

at start, i feel that time is passing by real fast, that even at times, you don't even realise it. i see myself being 19 tis yr, fuck it coz i really see that i am bcoming older. teenage life seems to come to an ending soon, like maybe in a few yearsa time. So i ask myself this, am i fulfilling my youth, or am i just to deprived of it. honestly speaking, i feel that my teen life has been full of obstacles. since young, i didnt even felt what parent or so called love is all about. my projection towards love this days has been deeply hidden in me that people ususally see me as someone who is anti-love. they dont see the softer side of me coz im jus to way comfortable being the way i am. its just my background. maybe, i hope someday soon, luck will shine upon me, i definitley want to attain that level of happiness and satisfaction soon, coz i just cant take it anymore.
the end.

I blog @ Monday, January 14, 2008

Friday, 11 January 2008

ok, its been quite some time since i updated tis blog. jus damn busy. period.

today was actually the muslim new year, and yea, me not being the religious type, finally came to a point of realisation that god really play a big part in our life. i really thank god for letting have the very first day of the new year to spend time together.

it all started when farhi was supposed to go to werk and when he was at the shop, his boss told him to take the day off. by coincidence, dada also headed to work and upon reaching she realised that she was not werking today. superb, so bith of them iniated to meet up at heeren. dada straight away call me and u noe wat, i jus reached skool. my part of the story, today i specially woke up early to be punctual for UT, met up wit aniza and maybe luck was jus wit us, there was heavy traffic while onboard 161, thus we took 1 and a half hour to reach woodlands. upon reaching campus, taught of skipping skool as was alreadi late. but then i decided to go up to class and when i jus switch on my lappy, dad called, and yea, i stragiht away pack and left for town.

didnt felt guilty skipping skool, coz its jus one of those days that we can spend the whole day together since we all have been busy with our commitments. upon reaching twn, i taught of heading back to seletar for traininng later but suprisingly it started to rain heavily. i was very fickle minded on whether is should. then a text msg came unexpectedly, my fren said training was cancelled. it was like wow, everything seems to go smoothly, like the way we wanted to be.

really, we enjoyed the whole day together as best buddies, seriously, u guys are just those important elements in my life. maybe im nt the mushy guy in person, but really, i love u guys deep down.

went home and did some reflections, i seems to be in low spirit this few days, yea, but i try nt to show it. reason why, i feel that my life is so meaningless. i have a family, but its existence seems fake, jus more of like manakins. really i dun deny that. i may seems to be one of the most vulgar living species, but i plan to cut dwn on it, serious. sometimes, i do feel that i am a good for nothing peep, i jus live life on a day to day basis. i dun even really know what i wanna be in future, im just too fickle about it coz i jus have too many aspirations, probably. till now, i have been keeping too many thing to myself. i jus need to slowly let it out so that ppl would understand the true me. i jus wish to lead a happy and posh life, tat is wat i really one and i hope that i can find a life partner that i can be contented with and live wit the person happily ever after. tats is all i wish for tis new yr.full stop

resolutions for tis yr:-

safe more money

minimize my level of laiziness

skip skool lesser

be a better person

start thinking of my future prospect.

I blog @ Friday, January 11, 2008